"I Want You"

So I have a crush. Not your typical girl-boy crush that you see in the movies or that you’ve probably experienced while in high school. This crush is different - very different. And it happens to be with a woman. A celebrity woman. I’ve actually been in the presence of this woman on two occasions and each time, my heart flutters and I feel….weird. Ok, maybe that’s pushing it but I do tend to stare at her in awe like a little child peering in a toy store window.

You’re probably wondering who my woman-crush is. Ok, I’ll share my secret with you…..

It’s none other than Ms. E-Badu (Erykah Badu for those who don’t know her).

I’ve been captivated and smitten by Ms. Badu since the first time I listened to her music while in college (circa 1997). Many nights I would listen to her on my portable CD player and sing her lyrics as if they were my own. Her cleverly arranged lyrics spoke directly to me and I quickly feel in love with her style and her self-described “baduizm”.

In her debut album, Baduizm, she spoke about independence and freedom in her hit song “Appletree":

“See I picks my friends like I pick my fruit. My Ganny told me that when I was only a youth. I don’t walk around trying to be what I’m not, I don’t waste my time trying to get what you got. I work at pleasing me, cause I can’t please you and that’s why I do what I do. My soul flies free like a willow tree, doo wee do wee do wee”.

Anyone who knows me would say these lyrics characterize my personality and my essence-exactly. I’m very much me. I like what I like and I do me….all the time. I embrace the freedom to go with the flow and take things as they come in life.

In her song, “4 Leaf Clover” (Baduizm), she sings,

“Free is a bird, yeah, yeah. To catch me is to catch a leprechaun. Hold on to your rabbit’s foot, I just might be yours forever”.

God has truly been good to me and has blessed me with more than I deserve.

In one of my favorite songs “Orange Moon” (Mama’s Gun), her lyrics speak about creation, spiritual truth and self-realization.

“Many, many nights he was alone. Many, many, many nights. His light was so bright that they turned away. And he stood alone, every night and every day. Then he turned to me. He saw his reflection in me. And he smiled at me when he turned to me. Then he said to me. How good it is. How good it is.”

This song spoke to me so intensely during a time when I was struggling with self-esteem issues and didn’t feel confident in my own skin. This song helped me realize that God made me in his image and he saw that it I was good (enough).

I could go on for days reciting her lyrics and telling you how much I can identify with her words and her wisdom to the point that it would sound like I have some serious obsession. It’s really not that deep. I just appreciate her authenticity, her creativity, her peaceful persona and her connection with something beyond herself.

I saw her recently on The Mo’Nique Show and found myself once again in awe of her essence, even after all these years. Her vibe and spirit continues to be unchanged, pure, simple and transformative. She’s beautiful, graceful, humble and just….. Erykah. Nothing more, nothing less. She has allowed herself to evolve but continues to stay true to herself and her craft. She is a reflection of what my life has been and continues to be….one of depth, simplicity, beauty, authenticity, strength and evolution.

Too bad I can’t sing.

The Ankh Cross represents life (immortality) and death, male and female, balance. It can also represent zest, joy of life, and energy. It's closely related to the looped cross that can mean fertility and life.